Posted by: carolg1849 | March 19, 2009

When Hope is Not Enough

When Hope is Not Enough: Bon Dobbs: Amazon.co.uk: Books.

when-hope-is-not-enough_This is the book I read and read over and over again.  Have found it to be the most useful book ever.  It wasn’t written by some academic far from the realities of life caring for someone with BPD, but by a man who cared for his wife and found ways of interacting that really helped.  He attended DBT skills training and read every book he could get his hands  on.  The chapters on boundary making, validating interactions are so helpful.  He published this book back in the summer long before Randi Kruger bought her new book with similar ideas just recently.  Below you can read  a couple of readers reviews which say it all.

If you buy one book, make sure its WHEN HOPE IS NOT ENOUGH !!

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
Does someone you love have Borderline Personality Disorder? Are you in a relationship with a difficult person? Does this person rage at you for no reason at all? Is everything always YOUR fault? Do you feel lied to and manipulated? Do you believe that there is nowhere to turn? When Hope is Not Enough (WHINE) is here to help. WHINE provides a step-by-step plan for dealing with people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or BPD traits. WHINE can help rebuild your relationship and help you create a calmer life. Learn how to live with and love someone with BPD.
5.0 out of 5 stars Essential reading for anyone with a BPD loved one, July 28, 2008
By   – See all my reviews

I just realized that I read this book only 18 days ago–and already I feel like my relationship with my wife is transforming! I too read this book in a single day, and I can’t say enough good things about it. WHINE is helping me to save both my marriage and my own mental health, and in the process it is helping me help my wife without losing myself in the process.  When I first suspected my wife had BPD, I came across “Stop Walking on Eggshells” (SWOE), which my therapist recommended, and which helped me understand how my life had been affected after a year of living with my wife. But I also wanted to understand what my wife was going through and to learn to better interact with her, and I found SWOE to be unsatisfactory and incomplete in this respect. “When Hope is Not Enough” (WHINE) was the answer. It lays out a clear explanation of BPD and a step-by-step skills development plan for improving interactions with my wife. 

Thanks to this book and the other resources it suggests, I no longer live in a fog of confusion and despair, and I am optimistic for the future of our family. Interactions are still sometimes very difficult with my wife, but I better understand why now, and I’m learning how to make them better every day. 

Thank you, Bon, for writing WHINE. 

 
5.0 out of 5 stars Best book for BP supporters EVER!, July 20, 2008
By   (Salem, OR) – See all my reviews

This book is a spectacular collection of effective techniques for dealing with the enormous challenges faced by those who are in a relationship with BPD. Other books offer valuable explanations and assist in understanding this complex condition, this book goes beyond that and offers practical, daily, step-by-step actions that non-BP’s can take to effectively assist and support their BP, in a way that reduces conflict and maximizes cooperative working with a loved one who has this painful condition. With examples of typical BP conversations…where they could go…and where you can take them instead… this book offers an actual roadmap to greater success. While a BP’s healing is ultimately up to them, this book shows ways that “non-BP’s” can help themselves and their loved one, both before that decision is made, and during their choice for healing, and minimize the conflict and pain involved for everyone during those interactions. For those of us who care about someone with BPD, this book is MOST HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!!

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